I sometimes think we've been fed the idea of the perfect family life constantly. The mother who stays at home and looks after the children, cooks home-cooked meals and makes school lunches. The father who works and works a 9-5 job, always available on the weekend. The mother, even if she works, she'll work a 9 to 5 job too, with weekends at home.
Unfortunately not everyone can live like that. And I'll be damned if I let myself feel guilty because I can't live like that. Occasionally I do want to just become a housewife. To just drop more than 10 years of study because I can't stand living like we are at the moment. Unstable lifestyle, ever-changing home routines, inflexible hours, odd hours, odd rosters, not able to even have meals together.
I've been reading parenting books like "Secrets of Happy Children" and all of them talk about stability and routine being fundamental in the healthy mental and emotional development of young children. You think that doesn't make me concerned? It makes me feel like a bad parent. It doesn't help when some people make remarks like "Poor Layth!" … "That's so hard on Layth".
But I look at Layth and see that he is a perfectly stable, well-behaved and emotionally developed little boy despite all of it Alhamdulillah. So we must be doing something right. Somewhere. After all, don't underestimate the power of the mother's du'as.
I have had a change of heart. I don't mind being a doctor. I still don't like it but I don't mind it so much. This life may be unstable but we'll get used to it. Perhaps make it to our advantage.
What made me change my mind? Because of my own grumblings. I want things done for my patients on the weekend or after hours but it can't be done. Why? Because there aren't enough doctors, of course. If all the doctors wanted to live and work a 9 to 5 job then no sick people would be treated after hours and on the weekends. It's fair enough some of us have to work during these times so the other doctors can enjoy their families and their life. Doctors sacrifice their semblance of a normal life so everyone else can live their normal lives and know that if their family is sick there will be a doctor available to see.
Plus it's the life choice I made. I do wish I had been told of the reality before I ventured into medicine. I thought one could become a GP & open a clinic right after graduation. Sorry for the disillusion. But I am a doctor now. Might as well follow the path I took.
It's not the worst kind of life around. Soldiers/navymen see their families maybe twice a year. They do that so the rest of us can live in safety and freedom.
Not everyone can have the textbook life. You know what…InshaAllah their/our kids turn out just right.
4 comments:
"In shaAllah our kids will turn out just right" : Amiiinn...
Although I'm still sad that Faisal we'll have to spend more of his days in childcare next year. Full day, 5 days a week :(
fully understand you..looking at my doc brother who seldom is around with his children and my sil worked her way to move out from shift work (previously a nurse now working towards to be lecturer) but they have strong extended family support. my parents became my nephew and nieces 2nd parents. i think bottom line is all parents would want to do their best for their children sake. Insyallah they will turn out alright with our dua n effort.
I concur with you!
We want the best for our kids. Being a single mother, do has its own contras. But being able to spend time with my kids with the little time I had, that's precious. Luckily for me, that I have strong family support especially from my parents. If they aren't there, I may break down much much more.
Studies suggested that going through a divorce is the second most stressful thing in life (after death). Yes, I'm stressful, but as along time, I try to cope. I know I couldn't be with the kids all the time, but I want to enjoy every moment of it.
My kids may think me as the disciplined, authoritarian figure compared to their father. Their outings with their dad had been enjoyable indeed, I suppose. But, I just want to let them able to appreciate, that even though after all that happens, I'll be with them - no matter what
Erika- that's alright..it's the nights that you miss him the most. esp if he usually sleeps in your bed.
zan- if your brother didn't make that sacrifice, think of how many patients would lose his expertise
alhamdulillah for grandparents
kak aini- single parents lain ceritanya kan..dugaannya berbeza. dlm buku tu "secrets of happy children" orang tu kata children of divorced parents usually tak berdisiplin because both parents don't want to be the "bad guy" and implement discipline. but in reality it's the "bad guy" aka disciplinarian is the one who really shapes the children's character for the future kan.
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