In perspective

It's not a rare occurrence that I always think I have picked the wrong profession. Sure I can stand the sight of blood, pus and internal organs. People think that's a prerequisite for being a doctor. Tak takut darah.

Believe me there are more disgusting things than blood. Let me list a few:
1. The fungal infected toenails of a man with poor personal hygiene whose leg I had to bend over to put a cannula in.
2. The smell of a person who has black tarry stools from gastrointestinal bleeding - we had 6 of these over the weekend!
3. The armpit of a person with poor personal hygiene and long armpit hair that I have to palpate for lymph nodes
4. A man with blood and clots oozing out of his private part which I saw this morning
5. The smell of a diabetic with an ulcerated leg and I have to open the bandages and look at the ulcers
6. The smell of someone with a urinary tract infection and who is incontinent and I have to examine them. Smells like putrid alcohol.

I have to deal with angry, agitated, rude and confused patients who sometimes discriminate me but for which I don't blame them because they are not in a good state to begin with.

I have to deal with obnoxius relatives who think they know best like the daughter who is a "Registered Nurse Division 1" who keeps looking at the drug chart and questioning each and every drug. Or the lawyer son who talks to me like I'm in some sort of cross questioning box. Or the angry daughter who didn't get enough information about her mother...and of course the victim would be me even though I don't even know the patient.

I have never been a phone person all my life. I prefer texting or emailing to a phone conversation any day. But in my job I am on the phone for at least half the time either calling people or being called. I hate it when my pager goes off; which it usually does when I'm praying or having lunch or in the toilet. People get cross when you don't answer quickly I admit that. I get cross too if I page someone and they don't answer. But half the time the page would be from a nurse who thinks her request is so urgent (believe me, it usually isn't). There is no way to know from a page whether it is urgent/important or not.

There are some nice parts to the job. Like when a patient smiles at me and says "Morning doctor, that's a nice scarf you've got, I love the colour... so calming". Or when I console an old woman who thinks she's a burden to her children. I told her not to feel guilty because her children could never repay what she has done for them. She said "I'm glad you understand" and thanked me and felt a lot better after wards. Or how happy patients are when I spend extra time to have a conversation with them and listen to their stories.

I've met so many people. A soldier, a secret service agent, a carpenter, a midwife, a mother of 8 (wow! mat saleh anak 8...)... all with different life stories. Old people always have lots to talk about. I imagine how they were when they were younger.

It takes me some time at the end of the day to "debrief" myself with the experiences of the work day. Sometimes it pricks my conscience or makes me feel emotional or leaves me with a phenomenal headache. Sometimes it makes me feel satisfied with what I have done that day. In the end, if we do something sincerely InshaAllah nothing will be wasted. Not time, not energy, not even life.