Monologuing is an essential part of de-stressing. I think without it I would burst into tears or scream in frustration then quit my job. I have good days and bad days. On good days; I feel great being a doctor. I feel like I'm actually helping patients. On these days, all my attempts at venepuncturing and inserting IV cannulas are successful. All my referrals are brilliant and I'm able to pre-empt the registrar's questions. I can see the patient improve and become well and that makes me feel happy.
On bad days (like today), I get hassled by so many people. I feel like I'm helping the other doctors instead of patients. I get told off when I do a referral. I get told off for lots of things. I can't get a needle on the 3rd attempt in even though the vein is big and juicy. The computer hangs, the intranet is down and the printer keeps printing another doctors' name on the prescription instead of mine. I get told off in public or have to hold my pee (or number 2) so that the consultant won't be annoyed with me if I disappear to go to the toilet. I have a few tears swelling up that's carefully hidden. I scream in my head "Dear God, why is this so frustrating!"
I'm really glad the Head Nurse is approachable. He always asks me if my day is okay. I tell him if it's not. Then he gives me motivation and encouragement.
On the way home from work I monologue. I talk to myself. I give myself a sort of pep talk. I think about things that I should be thankful about. Sometimes I blame myself. Maybe I am too sensitive. I take all reprimands as criticism to my person whereas maybe that person in their own way just wanted to let me know what was the right thing to do (in their mind). Maybe those people are having some trouble in their personal lives. I have a happy personal life Alhamdulillah.
One of the nurses asked me how many hours I work a day. I told her about 11 hours. She said "Wow that's a long shift". I told her "Truthfully, I don't mind the hours actually. I just don't like having too many bosses". What I didn't tell her was that I think the worst part of my job is that I can't please everybody or anybody. And there are too many people to please. These people I have to please don't even bother to ask, know or remember my name. All they know is to make me do their stupid paperwork, read their minds and become annoyed when I can't read their minds. They focus on the things that I didn't do instead of the things I've already done; some even in advance.
I always think I'm doing my best but not that it matters to them. But that's okay; at least it matters to me.
13 comments:
we xperince the same thng w our bosses! my colleagues concluded tht it may be diffcult for us to change the bosses, what can we do is to ensure we wouldnt be like them when we r at their level!:)
you need a hug, girl.
"((BIG HUG))"
yayyy for your head nurse.
when this happened it reminds us not to do the same thing to other people kan?
*ambik hot water + garam, fill up the besen plastik - meh! rendam kaki!* sambil nyandar-nyandar...hilang gak lenguh2 kaki tu..
the head nurse is a positive person indeed. small things that he did, can actually cheer you up.
I am actually smiling when you are happy with all the positive vibes around you particularly when you can see the patient getting well part.
I am sorry some people give you a hard time. Frustrating betul!
Hugs dear.
I just press the wheelchair icon just to see what I get. hahahhaha
some confusing noise. Finally I get to decipher the code. once again finally i get to decipher
*tak ada kerja ke apa ni?*
yayyy it works!
masyitah- well bosses may be hard to please and that's the reality but having 5-6 of them is truly pushing it! yeah..when i was a medical student i always thought i'd be a nice doctor who would be friendly to medical students. but now that i am one; i don't feel like being nice to them. they're annoying! hahaha. so we cant say we wouldn't be exactly like our bosses when we are in their shoes nanti.
k nina- thanks dear ((HUGS))
oo- hmm if only people would learn some manners. sometimes bukannya apa.. if they cakap tu beradab skit.. have a little humility; it would be a huge change.
oh yes..let's baring2 and relax at home hehehe.
kak aini- sometimes aje. sometimes kalau dia moody (lelaki nih!).. jgn la buat dia bengang!
lollies- kene la optimistic and positive ..otherwise tak bleh survive in this line of work huhu. what wheelchair icon?
that's so true. you can't please everybody.
it's hard for me to relate to a doctor's work (at least not right away).. but for what it's worth... i think i have too many bosses too. i can relate to that kind of frustration.
that wheelchair icon down there at the word verification for comment tu
zidni- i'm pretty sure work frustrations are universal regardless of the profession heehe
lollies- ooo ye ke hehe tak pernah perasan pon
oh ye...the voice verification..ya2..pernah try jugak kahkahkah. leceh!
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