Levels of motivation

As an intern I first started off working very hard (& smart) for the main purpose of not getting told off. That was the goal. If a day goes by without getting told off, I consider that an achievement.

However as time passes, the telling off tapers off and now I search for another goal. The next up the line is that the senior actually notices me (or at least remembers my name). This has been hard to achieve because for the most part interns are ignored unless they actually belong to someone (e.g. your registrar).

Only your registrar remembers your name. Your consultant has no idea who you are, nor are they around to notice. And if they're around their vision passes over you as if you were a non-entity or invisible. Therefore, really low motivation for me.

Until yesterday!
I was assisting the breast surgeon in the operation and she:
1. remembered my name
2. smiled at me
3. talked to me in a nice voice - not marah-marah like Prof
4. told me I was brilliant
5. said sorry for causing the artery to spurt blood in my face

I wanted to hug her so much! HAHAHAHA
Punyalah desperado and needy of approval punya pasal

Addendum:
Today I achieved another goal: to get appreciated/recognised for my work. Hahahah!! Alhamdulillah...rezeki tanpa disangka2.

I got my end of term appraisal by my registrar. His comments were:

Pleasant to work with, ensured smooth running of the unit with minimal instruction and supervision, excellent communication skills and ethics.

Kahkahkah. Tak sangka seh. And he even said thanks for everything. Huhu sungguh terharu. Nak nangis :p For the first time in 20 weeks, someone has actually said something kind to me.

To wrap things up, this surgical rotation has been the best ever rotation!! I wouldn't mind being a surgeon if it didn't mean having to sacrifice family for it. But family comes first so I might look into other things for my specialty of choice.