Hilarious

I like patients that make us laugh or piss us off because it really solidifies the camaraderie between the staff that have to deal with them.

Most of you might have read it on my FB status but I had the funniest patient ever on Sunday.

He was a 10 year old boy who came in with bloated tummy because he..guess what... pumped air up his bum using a tyre pump.
We (the staff) all had fits laughing non-stop. Even his dad couldn't keep a straight face.
The boy wanted to make a big fart by pumping air up his bum hole. Well, guess what...he'll have to spend the next few days farting all that air out. Good luck!

Then the staff started regaling me with all sorts of stories about people putting things up their bum. They once had an old man who liked to put oranges up his bum. He always had to have them surgically removed because they were stuck. He didn't let anyone tell his son so until now his son thinks he had a "tumour" removed from his bowels! And only last week they had a patient who had a whole shampoo bottle up his arse complete with the pump still intact. Of course...he "slipped and fell" onto the shampoo bottle while in the shower. Of course...

Today I had this patient who Kak Lin described as "18 years old but acts like she's 10". She threw tantrums like a 4 year old and wasn't very bright.
She came in because she had pain when urinating. Anyway, after much fuss she wanted me to see something that was wrong in her "downstairs department". It looked like folliculitis (of pub1c hair) to me plus she also had some blisters which made me think it might also be Herpes. Anyhoo...she was holding her downstairs department so I could have a look and after that she went and bit her nails! I wanted to puke..omg GROSS! I expect she'll get a cold sore soon.